Before getting pregnant I had a pretty good idea of who I was. Stepping into the role of being a "Mom" has blurred lines and views of who I am.
I was a wife.
I was a friend to many wonderful girlfriends.
I enjoyed working outside the home.
I was a holistic practitioner/educator.
I am still all of these things. Now I am "Mom" first and foremost. Then my role as wife, friend, employee, holistic health practitioner/educator follows.
I am married to my best friend and look forward to waking up every morning knowing we are working towards the same goals and building a life together. It amazes me that we created life and have this little replica of our genes.
I have some of the best girlfriends a woman could ask for. I feel I see them few and far between these days but stepping into my new role as "Mom" some how makes it ok. I know they are an email/phone call away.
I spent four years going to college and worked hard to have the job that I have now. At first it was really hard to want to work and leave Connor at daycare. Each day got easier and easier. Now I know my little one is in safe hands growing, socializing and learning a schedule while I am contributing to supporting our household.
Since the birth of Connor, I have started to be more selective of how many clients I am seeing and how many classes I am teaching. My weekend and evening time is sacred to me because I'm spending as much time as I can with the Connor.
Being a "Mom" now means timing feedings between running errands, keeping my fingers crossed that he sleeps through the night, engaging his mind to help him grow, trying to catch every smile possible, spending my lunch break pumping breast milk so I can provide him the best nutrients possible, monitoring how regular he is because he's started solids, making him laugh so my heart skips a beat, worrying that maybe I'm not doing something right, surfing the web to find out what his next steps are, and soothing him anytime he's cranky.
I am a "Mom" who still enjoys her wine but schedules around breastfeeding. I am a "Mom" who still loves to snuggle with her husband every night but has to wait until Connor's last feeding. I am a "Mom" who misses lunch with her girlfriends on Saturday afternoons but needs to catch up on housework from the week before. I am a "Mom" who tries to take time and meditate but falls asleep after a long day.
I am a "Mom" who's heart has been filled with to the top with love in the last six months and it grows every morning I see him smiling at me from in his crib. I know I'm only getting a glimpse of the love that is to come.